maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
