Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
