i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
