Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
