woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
