Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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