no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
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sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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