I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
