i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
