Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
