Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
