I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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