I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
