You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
