i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
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My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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