I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
