i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
