my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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