WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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