mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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