Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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