he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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