dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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