We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
