is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
