Sry I called you an 8
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
