Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
