Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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