She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
