i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
