margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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