I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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