Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
