I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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