Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They took my balls.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
