you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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