Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think a kid would responsible me up
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
