So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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