guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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