Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
