I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
