Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
