Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
