The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
