Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
