I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
