my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
