He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
