Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
