I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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