I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
