This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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