then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
