New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I will be naked everywhere
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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