Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
