I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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