I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
