I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
