Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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