the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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