Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
